One Man Show

*before i start - this is my idea for this blog - i think i'm going to just write something every day based on what song comes up on shuffle when i sit down to write. i'm not saying i'll definitely stick to it, but i thought it'd be a cool idea.

anyway, when i sat down and came up with this MARVELOUS idea, i was listening to One Man Show by the jonas brothers. not one of my favorites by them, but its off of my favorite album of theirs sooo thats cool i guess. anyway

Something I guess I always knew about myself but never really acknowledged was that in some ways...I'm a bit of a loner. A "one man wolf pack," if you will ...
But when my brother brought Janelle home I knew she was one of my own, and my wolf pack, it grew by one...

JUST KIDDING :P

No but really, staying home for college instead of going away has taught me that I really like Kerry time. I thought that I'd legit turn into a loser with no friends by staying home, when I could be away at college and surrounded by people 24/7. However, I'm totally happy with the decision I've made, because I realize now that I like to pick and choose when I hang out with people. I've met some people in the more recent part of my basically 20 years of existance who don't quite get this concept, and they most likely won't be reading this blog, but i thought i'd just take this time to explain the self-proclaimed loner to you all.
First, let's clear things up. I am in no way anti-social. I love my friends to death. I don't know where I would be if it weren't for the people who are in my inner most circle.
However, let's get serious, there are very few people on this earth that I want to spend every free moment of my life with. Their names are nick/kevin/joe jonas, johnny depp, and george clooney. None of which are currently knocking on my door waiting to see if I would like to accompany them to dinner, a movie, and whatever else the night may have to offer ;)
When I'm alone, I feel like I'm figuring out who I am just as much as when I'm hanging out with my friends. This is when I listen to music...and i mean really listen and disect lyrics, think / reflect on EVERYTHING (like why Kevin Jonas married his current wife and not me, how and when I'm going to finish school assignments, why Danielle Staub is the most arrogant/ignorant woman alive, why the sky is blue, and all in all basically plan out the rest of my life). When I'm alone, I feel like I just can clear my head. I love sitting on my bed (which I am doing right now) and just surfing the internet. I love finding out what's going on in the world, reading about the latest pop culture gossip, looking up new ways to do my hair, or just...THINKING.
When I hang out with people too much, I stop thinking. I feel like I get sucked into the Cady Heron / Regina George complex and am just too focused on figuring out how to better myself in others eyes, that I forget what it is that KERRY really wants.
This has been on my mind a lot, just because some people who are extremely dependant on others have come into my life recently, and this was really new to me. I've always had friends that were content with my need to NOT hang out every spare moment of every day.
Anyway, I guess where I'm going with this is...if you're this type of person, know that you're totally normal! And, if you're not this type of person (ex: you're the latter person who likes to fill up their entire schedule and never have a moment to themselves) I guess just understand that some people like time to clear their heads. and...that is that.

I promise these blogs will get more organized as i do them more. I'm basically just writing as I think, rather than having a general idea of where I'm going with ideas.

hey blog, hey!!!

SUP KIDS???

SO, this is my blog! i've always wanted one. isn't it pretty?

i know. it really isn't.

not yet at least.

but anyway. i desperately wanted to keep up my tumblr. like fo realz. buut the thing with that was, i started the whole 30 days of blogging ish. and then i just stopped. and i HATE starting things and not finishing them, but what i hate even more than that is picking up where i left off like a month earlier. i am fully aware that this makes little-to-no sense, but thats just how my mind works.

for example, say i'm in class one day taking notes and the class ends before we finish a particular discussion. the notes from next class naturally go with those notes since they are a continuation, so i'll write them there...but i can't keep it like that. i usually leave class and go rewrite my notes from both classes so that they are one continuous section.

i'm weird.

so anyway, here's the blog. i swear i'll make it worth your time to read.

well i mean, i guess this depends on the extent of excitement in your life. but it could get interesting!

so anywayyyy here it goesss! blog blog blooogggggg.

i realized this weekend that i'm going to marry the most wonderful man in the world.

i don't know who he is yet, but he's an incredible person.

i realized this because i don't know what it specifically was, but something made me suddenly realize that i deserve the best. SO DO YOU! we all do. or at least a good portion of us. why? because girls rule and boys drool.

confession time. for the past like, several years of my life, my biggest fear has been that i'll never get married. i was scared i wouldn't get married because i'd never find anybody who loved me *cue guitars and drums*...for who i am.

no i'm serious. nick jonas isn't the only person who thinks this way.

i guess what i was really fearing was that every guy out there wanted a barbie to their ken doll. and you know what? i'm sure there are a lot of guys out there who just that.

but then i realized...i have a lot to offer!

1) my jersey girl charm

2) i love doing laundry. it smells amazing.

3) i am willing to pop out kids.......after i mentally prepare myself for all the scary things that will happen down under

4) i'm a brunette

5) boobs

6) i'm half italian

7) i am willing to laugh at myself, as well as others

8) i have refined taste in EVERYTHING.

9) i like long walks on the beach and candle light dinners

10) most importantly, lets face it...i'm a cuddler!

who WOULDN'T want to marry me? hahaha just kidding. but not really.

anyway, i've gotten SO off track right now that it's a little scary. anyway. if you're still reading, good, because i'm getting to the point.

you can't love somebody else until you love yourself (family class anyone?). its true though. i finally am content with myself. i always had a confident attitude on the outside, but on the inside i never did. but i'm changing this. idk where it came from, but i'm suddenly really happy with who i am.

anywayyy moral of this blog..

i don't want to settle. i REFUSE to settle for the first guy that comes along just because i'm scared i won't find anybody else (this isnt to say that the next guy i meet WONT be mr. right / prince charming / leonardo dicaprio / etc.). i deserve a guy who loves me the way i am now, and will still love me when my hair turns (more) gray, when my face wrinkles, if i lose a finger in a freak accident, if i gain 300 pounds, if my face off,....do i need to give more examples/visuals?

sooo guys. starting now, i'm serious. i'm happy with life. i want to find someone to be happy with life with ME, and will love me (SING IT WITH ME NOW)....for who i am!